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pills to needles and that scared me. I started inhaling or snorting
heroin but it wasn’t long before I wanted to use the needle.

I had a job when I first started but there are only a few jobs that will
support an addict’s habit. The other problem is one’s ability to
function while under the influence. Nodding is a dead give-away to
those who are savvy. I remember one day at the office my boss yelled
over the top of his partition for me to go home. I was too embarrassed
to go home and that managed to wake me up so I lasted through the
day. I had held this job for about thirty months but realized that I had
better start looking for work elsewhere or risk getting fired.

I started to replace my old habit with new ones. In place of heroin, I
began drinking alcohol and when I could scrounge some extra cash,
mixed in a little cocaine. I became a full-blown alcoholic but
managed to stay away from heroin, at least for a little while. In the
Bay Area, I had no difficulty connecting with the patrons in local bars.
One thing you learn about bars is that if you hang out long enough
you'll find whatever it is that you are looking for. In my case, it was
heroin.

Before long I was back to my old habits and watching the familiar
patterns reestablish themselves. I found another, job but it was not
close to home and I had no car. I began stealing money from my
employer. Then it was on to forging checks and stealing from
department stores on my lunch breaks. Finally, I was arrested during
my lunch hour while stealing clothes from a department store.

My life was quickly deteriorating now. I found myself homeless and
living a meager existence in north Richmond. This was a new low
point in my life, sleeping on an old mattress in a run-down apartment.
I remember the cockroaches, the tattered mattress on the floor, the 13
inch black and white TV with a coat hanger antenna and, most of all,
the ever-present depression and shame. My days by now followed a
consistent pattern. I would wake up, shower, dress and take off to
make money to support my habit. I would drive from one end of the
Bay Area to the other and everyplace in between, looking for
department stores to steal from.